


Alone

by QQ_0814



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 09:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14997572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQ_0814/pseuds/QQ_0814
Summary: Game : Mystic MessengerAll rights owned by CheritzA oneshot between Saeran and Saeyoung. This Saeran is the secret end Saeran ❤*WARNING for spoilers if you haven't play Ray route or the secret ends*Wrote it for their birthday on 11th June 2018 ~(I'm not good at summary... )





	Alone

Saeran looks at the back of his brother who is busy typing away on his computer.  
He doesn't know what Saeyoung is doing, nor does he wanted to know. But for some reason, Saeran just likes to look at his brother's back.

Feeling someone looking at him. Saeyoung turns his head and catches his younger twin's gaze - who looks away when he realised he had been caught. He smiles at him like usual, which Saeran couldn't find himself to reciprocate, and returns to his work.

Saeran wondered. Why try so hard when Saeyoung knows he is not going to get much reaction back. The therapist that he had been going to for the past few months helped him control his negative emotion towards his brother - all that hatred and vengeful thoughts towards him.

At first, he resisted. How could he just forget about his twin's betrayal - how Saeyoung abandoned him and left him to the mercy of their abusive mother, how he broke all their promises of being together when they escape that place, away from the clutches of their parents.

He remembers how he had cried silently every night to avoid being heard by his mother, hoping and praying for his brother's safe return. Saeyoung just disappeared one day. He went out and never came back. He remembers looking at the setting sun from the window and starting to get worry. He hoped Saeyoung can hurry back before their mother notices he is gone.  
He remembers thinking, what if those men that had followed them had caught him? What can he do to help him? He is so weak compared to him, what can he possibly do to rescue his brother if he really is taken? What if his twin had already...

No.

Saeran had refused to believe that, even though as the days gone by, that is the only plausible answer to his disappearance.

After Saeyoung left, their mother was constantly angry with him, blaming him for everything since his other half is not there anymore. She also blamed him that he is the reason why his twin left. And sometimes he would believe it - maybe it's him that Saeyoung wants to get away from. He would be living in fear for most of the day, hoping his mother will forget about his existent in that house. He would hide in the closet and silently beg his brother to come home soon, he didn't think he can survive any longer without his twin's presence.

Days and days he had waited. Looking at the closed door, thinking Saeyoung could be home any minute now, its been long enough. But he never did. Saeran tries hard to suppress his hurted feelings - and the thought that his brother had finally decided to leave him because he is so weak, to search for a better life without him, thinking he was only a burden to him. He had begun to lose hope and he missed him terribly.

Had he forgotten the promise with him? It even crossed his mind that, Saeyoung should be happy, it doesn't matter that he himself is suffering, it doesn't matter that there's a restrain around his ankle, because as long as his brother is happy, he would be happy too, right? Since he was the weaker one and the useless one, he doesn't deserve to be happy like him, right?

But the memories of them together when their mother is in one of her bad moods - how he had comfort him by promising him that everything will be over soon enough, gives him hope that helps him fights against the negative thoughts. Saeyoung would never leave him here. He is going to come back. He would never abandon him.  
"We're twins. You're me and I'm you. You can't separate twins." Saeyoung had said.  
Saeran didn't care if he was weak. If his other half is strong, then it is the same as he is strong.

On one fateful day, a young woman with flowing blonde hair and a man with mint coloured hair came to see him. They told him that his brother is safe but he can't see him due to some specific reasons. He remembers feeling so relief about the fact that Saeyoung is still alive and well, that's all he cares about. The couple had suggested him to go to the church school where his brother used to go.  
Wanting to feel closer to Saeyoung, perhaps even meet him, he agreed to their suggestion.

Many times he had seen his brother reading a thick book with numbers and symbols on them, he would silently watch his brother thinking hard to decipher the symbols and caught himself thinking how smart his brother must be, to be able to read those texts compared to him - who can't even recognise a single thing in the book. Will he ever be smart like Saeyoung?  
His twin chuckled everytime he tells him about it. He would say he doesn't need to worry if he is smart or not, he can get them out of that place and he can take care of both of them. He remembers feeling so happy that he had a reliable older brother that he can count on.

Studying in the church had helped him a lot. The woman named Rika even gave him a book similar to Saeyoung's. She said he is smart enough to do what his brother used to do. Hence, this leads to him studying the book using a small lamp late at night - when their mother is asleep. He had innocently hoped that doing what his brother used to do can get him one step closer in seeing him.

Unfortunately, things went down hill from there. He was brought to a place created by Rika. Locked up in the darkness and ignored by everyone outside the door, he had no idea what to do. He wanted to get out but didn't know how. He wanted to stop eating those weird food they gave but he was too hungry. He wanted to know what happened to Rika but no one would tell him anything.

Drugs were forced into him as part of the brainwashing process. He couldn't think for himself with the amount of drugs in his body. He had transformed into a person full of hatred and sorrow - all negative emotions directed towards the world and his brother.  
As his heart had already felt broken when he left, the process in Mint Eye breaks him apart and forced his darkness within to grow into something that even he cannot recognise.

He tried his best to resist the change, to keep that kind and tender personality that his brother like to praise him with, but little by little, that sweet and kind Saeran is forced out of existent throughout his years in Magenta.  
His mind was twisted to hate on his own brother, to accept the fact that the reason his brother left was because he was weak, not strong enough to do anything, a useless airhead that is destined to be betrayed and abandoned by the world, unless he does something about it. He did.  
He was angry. Angry at himself for being so weak, angry at his brother who make a promise he cannot fulfil and angry of the world for making him exist just to see him suffer. Full of rage, he was a completely different person.

He remembers at his mother's funeral. How he was the only member present except for V and Rika. He thought to himself sadly, if he dies, will anyone attend his funeral? Will anyone remember him? Will his twin remember him? His brother did not come to the funeral - the only family he had left in the world did not come when he was feeling lost and confused from the grieve for their dead mother. He had never felt so alone in his entire life.

After they rescue him from Mint Eye, he was brought to the hospital. First thing he sees when he opened his eyes were the red-haired hacker that he had loathed throughout the majority of his life, saying his name over and over in relieve.

Whenever he came to see him, he was screaming words of hate that he now cannot remember - words that meant to hurt his twin, words that meant to protect himself.  
He wanted Saeyoung to leave, to get out of his hospital room. Watching how his brother's eyes slowly welling up in tears, enraged him even more, how dare he makes that kind of face him after leaving him? How dare he come to see him after letting him feel so alone and abandoned?

But seeing his sad face, he felt something stirred inside him, he hated his face that time. When Saeyoung left, Saeran watches his back and felt empty. He did not understand why.

Now, Saeran feels bad for being so aggressive towards everyone before. But it's the only way he can protect himself from getting hurt.

Hurt them before they can hurt him.  
He didn't want to feel hurt anymore, is that too much to ask?

Hurting those who come near him is the only way to protect himself from getting hurt. It is what he used to believe. Everyone that came in his life only likes to hurt him, he can't trust anyone in this world anymore.

After being introduced to the therapist a few times, he finally calms down a little whenever his brother is in the room. His hatred was still there. His eyes hold the deep feelings he harboured for Saeyoung - who always flinches a little when he saw him looking with those eyes before returning to the happy 707. He did not feel remorse for how he expressed hate to his brother.

He remembers how he thinks that he is a liar at that time. Saeyoung would tell him that he won't leave him and promised he would always be there for him, then, when he opened his heart to him, Saeran knows, he would leave him, betraying him again - just like before, just like everyone else.  
Saeran refuses to be foolish enough to think that Saeyoung won't leave him.  
He left before, what is to say he won't do it again?

After his conditions become stable, Saeyoung brought him to his house - "our house" as he always says. They live together but he still feels a small loneliness in his heart. Even though he doesn't hate him anymore, he can't find the courage to properly converse with Saeyoung. To talk about what happened, to talk about what will happen in the future.

He likes to keep reminding himself that he's alone now, like he always was and always will be. Then, he won't get hurt. All these years of suffering, why would his luck change? He is destined to be alone, to be abandoned.

Even now, being in the same room as his brother, he felt nothing has changed. He wanted to go back to when he was a child, where innocent him enjoys every single moment with his brother. He wants to get rid of this loneliness, he wants to have that connection with his brother like he used to.

But he can't. The unforgivable things he did. The things that kind and tender Saeran would never do, the things that is what cause the invisible barrier between him and his brother, the barrier he built to protect himself from the world, the barrier that excluded Saeyoung from him. Things are not the same as when they were young.

And he can't help himself to feel a little empty inside his heart.  
"I will always accept you,.... just come back to me when you are ready..." Saeyoung had said that before, but can he believe him? Why is he such a positive person? Saeyoung is completely different to Saeran.

His vision blurred, he doesn't know why. Now he can't see his brother - only a blurry image of his silhouette.  
All these thoughts are making him....

Breathe. Like the therapist said.

Clear your mind. He closes his eyes, feeling warm liquid trickling down his cheeks.

"Saeran...?" A voice filled with worry, "what's wrong?" The voice spoke gently, like trying to avoid scaring an animal.

Saeran opens his eyes and blinks away the tears. He looks at Saeyoung who is now in front of him, face full of worries. Saeyoung looks like he wanted to hold his hands, but he didn't.  
Maybe it was because he knows Saeran doesn't like physical contact.

Or maybe he remembered that time when he accidently grabs Saeran's wrist to show him something and it ended up with Saeran instinctively pulling away from him and yelling, "Don't touch me!"  
The combination of shock and hurt on Saeyoung's face fills Saeran's heart with so much guilt that he ran back to his room and stayed there for most of the day. Saeyoung's hurt expression keep replaying in his mind, he didn't hear him mumbling an apology before he ran back his room, nor the several tentative knockings on his door during his hours of isolation.

Now his twin looks at him with cautious, not because he is scared of Saeran, but because he doesn't want to trigger him. "Tell me...it'll feel better if you say it out loud... remember that I'm always here.." Why is he so nice, why...  
After everything he had done, he doesn't deserve it.

Saeran shakes his head and wipes away the tears. Avoiding his brother's gaze, he gets up from the couch, " I forgot my meds..." he walks back his room to escape the scene.  
"..Saeran.. wait.."

For some unknown reasons, he stopped his steps. Maybe it was because of his tone of voice, maybe it was because of the way he looked at him just now.  
"Yeah..?" Saeran replied, not turning around.

"I just want to say that I love you. And I'll always be here for you and wait for you to come back no matter how long you need. So..take your time, my one and only brother..." He said to him.

Saeran started to shake uncontrollably, and his other half rushed to his side in a flash. "I'm sorry...I said too much.." Still not touching him, Saeyoung stands in front of him, not knowing what to do.

Saeran shakes his head once again and wipes away the newly formed tears. " I'm fine," he said, stop being so nice. But he wanted him to be nice to him, he craves for it. Maybe...just maybe, he is ready to break down his barrier - he wanted to end this loneliness.

Saeyoung is still looking at him with worry. "Alright... just tell me if you need something, okay?"  
Saeran nodded and quietly goes back to his room. Leaving his brother standing there looking at his back worriedly.

~        ~        ~        ~        ~        ~

In the middle of night, Saeran wakes up due to a nightmare he can't seem to remember. Still slightly shaken from the dream he had, he goes out to the living room.

The lights are on, is he not asleep yet?

Saeran quietly goes to the couch he had been sitting on today and sees his brother lying there - he must had fallen asleep while taking a break from work. He looked to the table and sees various assortments of tools and small materials. Next to that, on top of a wrapping paper, is a completed mini cat robot.

Saeran picks up the card that is held in the cat's mouth:

"Happy birthday, little brother! ♡"

He felt something warm flow through his heart, a feeling that he has not experienced for many years. Saeran looks at the digital clock located in the living room:

 **01:56 am, 11th of June**  
Today is their birthday.

He looked back to his brother and goes back to his room.

Only to return with a blanket.  
He carefully takes off the Saeyoung's glasses and puts it on the table before climbing on the couch and lies next to Saeyoung - covering them both with the blanket.

Maybe...  
...just for today, Saeran didn't want to be alone.

 

(Happy birthday to you too, Saeyoung...)


End file.
